Have you ever felt like you were fine one moment and the next you felt about 2 feet tall?
I liken falling out of your confidence to falling off a horse. It hurts and then you’re afraid to get back up and try again.
But what it is that is most often said? “You have to get up, dust yourself off and get right back on that horse”!
Well yes, if that’s what works for you. But that doesn’t work at all for some people.
And these are the people who I most often see come into their coaching session wanting to reclaim their confidence. Not only did they take a fall, but they’ve been beating themselves up ever since for not hopping up like it was no big deal and getting right back in the game.
How Does It Work For You?
If you’ll indulge me just a moment, I actually want to switch analogies and talk again about swimming; or rather getting into the pool.
Some people go straight for the cannon ball; all in or all out. Nothing wrong with that.
Some people like to sidle up to the steps, put a toe in the water, feel the temperature, maybe take moment to stand on the first step and then enter slowly, a step at a time.
…and everything in between. Nothing wrong with any of those methods.
Well, by the same token, there’s nothing wrong with “getting right back up on the horse” when you’ve suffered a confidence setback.
But there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with taking your time, considering what landed you on the ground and creating some additional support, safety net, and a new strategy before “saddling up” again.
Once you have made a plan, set forth into action, and have begun to experience some success and a momentum again, what can help keep you in that “Confidence Zone”?
These are the 3 Keys to Keeping Confidence as I see them.
1. Taking Appropriate Risks or Challenges
Because you live, more and more, in a world where another person’s opinion can be delivered almost instantly, it’s ultimately helpful to develop a strong sense of self determination and direction, rather than simply move as the tide of opinion moves.
This applies to Confidence Building in this way; if you can determine risks and challenges that are a stretch for you, but also reasonable given your history in an area, then you are setting yourself up for consistent steps in the right direction and ultimately success which strengthens Confidence.
Trying to do what someone else says you should do, what you think you should do, or what someone else did, can get you into trouble and undermine progress which in turn undermines Confidence.
2. Welcome Mistakes for the Opportunity The Are
OK, OK…I hear you. I don’t like making mistakes either. Even after all this time learning and helping others learn faster, I confess, if I could make the changes I wanted without having to make mistakes, experiencing things getting “messy” and sometimes (most times) even “looking bad”; I would.
But I don’t find it’s an option. Research has proven the simple fact that those who enjoy the most success, experienced the most mistakes. It just goes with the territory.
So I suggest making peace, as best you can, with making mistakes; that is if you want to attain success and thus Confidence in a particular area of your life.
3. Recognition and Celebration
Law of Attraction states that we get more of what we place our attention on. Place your attention on how great it feels to succeed, how great it feels to feel Confidence and more Confidence will be yours.
Mistakes and setbacks, well sure, just like we discussed above. But I’ll let you in on my little secret. When I experience the discomfort of making mistakes, to the extent I can allow myself to secretly celebrate and say “this means the next round of success and Confidence is coming round from this little blip”; the faster I’m back on track.
Putting It Into Practice
This week notice your level of confidence, maybe use a scale of 1-10 where 10 is total confidence and 5 is just “so-so”. See who you can be and what you can do to raise that number up the scale.
Here are some suggestions but be on the lookout for your own. And comment below if you’ve found a good one. Perhaps you’ll inspire someone else!
- Meditate. Ask you inner being to provide you with actions that will raise your level of Confidence.
- Try something you’ve always wanted to do, but never tried. Laugh at your mistakes (why not try juggling, or cooking something new?).
- Recognize others for their successes. When you see someone who is trying to excel and is making progress, share your joy for their success with them. Watch them shine and know you both share that light.
- If you’re really feeling down or thwarted, get some (qualified) help. You don’t have to go it alone.