Many years ago, when I first began learning how to have influence on my own life, I remember my initial excitement. I felt hopeful and highly motivated.
But soon after, came the discouragement and frustration when things got “messy in the middle” of that change. For me, that mess looked like a divorce, a repossessed car, a leaky roof, and a bankruptcy. Yikes!
Yes, I had planted a “seed” of a new life for myself.* But what I was seeing was the “weeds” of left over from the life I’d had before the change. Because it’s always the “weeds” of the past that come up first, before the newly planted “seeds” grow tall.
A mentor reminded me that the movement of “the mess” pointed to a viable growth process. He urged me to take heart but be ever vigilant in nurturing the vision I wanted (the new seed growth) and calmly resolving the manifestations of my past (the weeds).
This proved to useful advice and it did encourage me to stay the course. I began to see that new growth and old “weeds” always share a part of the overall process. If things get messy it doesn’t mean that I am failing backwards. It means the process is working!
…and well, it also points to some old “stuff” that needs cleaning up.
Over time I found a way that really works for me to help me ease through this “mess in the middle” part of the change process. I’m offering it here to help you as well. I hope you find it helpful. And as always I encourage you to experiment and tailor it to your own life.
Here's How
First is the understanding that when the “weeds” show up, I know the change is working and that the process is viable, it’s working.
Next is to support a feeling of “safety” for my body. Take extra good care of your physical self. Now is the time to get the sleep you need, the water you need, the nutrition your need and the movement you need. When your body is cared for, your ego registers that you are working with it to keep the body safe; which is it’s agenda.
Now it’s time to do some weeding! Resolve to handle “the mess” as neutrally as possible. Be as efficient as possible. Don’t give any more energy than you must to any situation you don’t want in your life. I know it’s hard, but that means don’t talk about it over and over with your friends.
Don’t get me wrong, you may need to talk it over with someone. If so, talk it over, clear in your intention, with a trusted person who can help you with solutions. If you need help, reach out to me and I’ll do my best to help you determine who/what that might be, for you.
Again, I can’t emphasize this enough; use only as much time and energy as you absolutely must to resolve the leftovers of old situations (weeds).
Finally, as soon as practically possible (and still caring for your body, heart, and mind) get back to actions in the direction of your new goal.
It Works If You Work It
Try this yourself. I think you’ll find it greatly accelerates your progress to your new goal. I’ve seen it over and over with clients. It’s one the number one ways I see them pulling off miraculous changes. I still use this in my own life every time I’m exploring my own growing edge.
It turns out, the growth process is inherently messy and unpredictable. Weeds will arise, that’s just how it all works. But you can take heart; maintain a neutral stance. Acknowledge the weeds as a natural part of the growth process. Take action to resolve the mess and create a clear path for your goals to flourish. Remember, the weeds are not a sign of failure but a confirmation that the process is working
*If you wonder whether the “seed” of the change you want is viable, see my post, 3 Ways To Positively Tell If You’re Making the Change You Want.
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