Sometimes in the change process, it’s easy to become discouraged and doubt. Maybe it doesn’t feel like you’re making any progress? Maybe it doesn’t feel like the situation is happening fast enough?
One of the biggest questions I get from people is, “How do I know if this process is working?” “How do I know if I’m changing?”
Can you catch several of the deeper questions that may be going on beneath the surface. These questions are what feeds the doubt. “Am I doing it right?”. “Should I stop or keep going?” “What if I’m doing it wrong, what does that mean for me?”
How To Know When Change is Not Happening
There are actually 3 indicators that the change process is working in your life. But before I share those, I want to quickly look at how you would know that no change is happening.
When the change process is not happening, nothing changes. That may sound obvious, but it’s worth looking at. What helps is to look at a real-life situation in your own life that you want to change.
You got it?
OK, good. Now look, really look, honestly at your life. If you’ve wanted a change but nothing has changed, then the change is not happening.
If you are thinking the same thoughts which including internalized beliefs and words you say to others over and over (aka complaints and stories) then there is no change. If you are doing the same things, in the same places, for the same reasons, with the same people; nothing has changed. You are essentially BEhaving the same and expecting different results. (…And do you remember who said what about the definition of insanity?)
3 Indicators That Change Is Happening
Now let’s switch to the question of how to know if you are changing. If you are changing then you’ll experience one of these three things:
- Fresh energy and flow, inspired actions, synchronicities, new possibilities and opportunities; all the things you love about change.
- Resistance! Overwhelm, fears, doubt, confusion, frustration, procrastination; all the things that come with change, and uncertainty that you don’t like.
But…notice with me — this is still evidence that the change is happening. There are other forms of resistance to a change you’ve set in motion that aren’t as well recognized. These include upsets with others (especially those you’re closest to*), minor illnesses and physical symptoms, and minor accidents or breakdowns (machinery and systems). All of these are both real (and thus can be resolved with patience and self-care and resistance to the tension of changing the status quo; resistance! - Now here’s the kicker, this is the category most misunderstood. It’s most responsible for confusion about whether the change is working or not. Most often, when we change we get both; the things we like or love about change…and the thing we really don’t like about change.
We know we are in the change we want if:
We get the stuff we like (feels good)
…or
We get the stuff we don’t like (doesn’t feel good, resistance)
…or
We get both together in the same basket!
Why This Gets Us So Turned Around
So I’m guessing you can see how it can be confusing. We’ve grown up thinking that if it feels good we’re doing it right.
And if it doesn’t feel good, it’s not right.
We’ve been taught that the things we don’t like, that don’t feel good, are wrong, or bad, and should be avoided.
But when it comes to the Change Process and the Resistance that naturally occurs in the process itself, that just isn’t so!
Note: this is a big clue to that question we may ask ourselves or others “Why, then don’t you just change?”.
The Big Clue: Because it feels wrong every time I try and I just want to run back to where I came from!
What’s The Solution? Clarity and tools to overcome the discomfort zone.
So Now What Do I Do?
This is the realm of my work with clients; moving through the stage that’s so uncomfortable that most of us will feel stuck or turn back. Many of my blog posts and newsletters offer tips and tricks to help. And I want to continue to arm you with tools to help you ease through the Resistance Cycle™.
My one-on-one coaching finds very unique solutions because everyone is different and your Resistance may look different than someone else’s.
But if you want a starting point, check out my blog post, Are You Suffering From Unnecessary Overwhelm Due To a Change You’re Making?
Chasing after a fear that you’re doing it wrong won’t help. The reason you’re experiencing the discomfort is because the change is happening. There are definitely ways to help lessen the discomfort phase of the Change Process.
Long ago, what worked for me was to practice a path of “keep going” instead of a pattern of bailing out, giving up and then starting all over again. Holding close the knowing that I was experiencing the discomfort because my change was happening really helped. I hope the knowledge I’ve outlined here helps you stick to taking actions for what you want, confronting and resolving the discomforts that naturally arise. Even tiny adjustments can help you keep going to earn your prize!
Let me know how you’re doing and what you find the hardest and the most useful in the direction of easing through the Resistance Cycle™ in the comments below.
Comments are always celebrated! Comment below or email me at info@deborahivanoff.com to share.
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