Change, like the growth of a seed to seedling to tree to flower to ripe fruit, follows a specific process. For you to reach your goals you must start by choosing your “seed”, as it were. When you choose “true” and nurture that precious seed, Nature will deliver to you the “fruit” of your choice.
Choosing, the seed of the process, of course, requires clarity; this not that, now not later, or profit not hobby.
How to Start
Successful change begins with a choice and insight about why you choose that goal. The nurturing of your goal requires a focus that supports the goal and actions that move you closer to the result you want.
That may sound obvious but it is not. Most people get off to a great start only to flounder as their change begins to flourish. In this post, I want to reveal exactly what is happening when you begin to feel the pull towards self-sabotage. I want to dispel the myth that fears or doubts mean something is wrong. In fact, they are a normal part of the “nature of change.”
What happens when you plant a seed in the ground? For a while, it looks like nothing is happening but lots is going on deep in the dark. There’s a powerful work at play in germination and pushing through to the surface.
And what gets to the surface first? Never the seed planted, but instead, the weeds that were just waiting in the soil itself!
This can be seen in the Change Process in your life, as well. You make a choice, and it needs to be cared for. Your attention and action nurture that new choice. But the past seeds of thoughts, beliefs, habits, and patterns of behavior need to be “weeded” out. Only then will the new choice, the goal, have space to grow and deliver.
The Weeds of Resistance Always Germinate First
This is the missing piece that is seldom, if ever, addressed. What do you do about the weeds? Ignored, the weeds overrun the new seedlings and stunt or sabotage the growth.
Have you seen this in your own life? Have you chosen a change with hope and excitement only to hesitate or become derailed by the weeds of fear, doubt, worry, or overwhelm?
I have made it my life’s work to understand the nuts and bolts of the change process. How is a change initiated? How is it nurtured? How is momentum created? How are the changes we achieve anchored so we don’t lose them again?
And how is the process derailed? And when that derail threatens, what can be done to get back on track?
What I’ve found is that our goals are derailed when Resistance (the weeds) are left unchecked.
Face Resistance Head On
You may be aware of Resistance. You may have heard someone point towards it and give advice about how to “keep going”. However, I have come to realize that there is a recognizable path and pattern to the resistance to change.
And I’m calling it out!
I call this pattern of resistance during change the Resistance Cycle™.
The Resistance Cycle is an energetic pattern that can be likened to a rubber band. This resistance band keeps you connected to where you begin when you make a new choice.
As you move towards what you desire, the rubber band tightens; resisting your progress. The tension can get pretty intense! If you fight against it, you exhaust yourself. If you give in to it, you are snapped back to square one.
What is Resistance...Really
Resistance itself is a natural byproduct of our Ego’s operation to protect our current personal identity and status quo. The Ego’s primary objective is to keep us safe physically and maintain our sense of who we think we are. It’s normal and everyone experiences it.
The Cycle of Resistance is the pattern of the Ego’s efforts to snuff out our efforts to change. And Ego has some powerful strategies to use at its discretion.
Ego’s Resistance may be called self-sabotage, imposter syndrome, or the inner critic. Resistance can look like intense emotions or sensations (such as fear, doubt, worry, anxiety, overwhelm, breakdowns, confusion, or procrastination. Resistance can look like minor illnesses or minor accidents; literally stopping us. Resistance can look like upsets, disagreements, or conflicts with other people; especially those closest to us. Resistance can even take the form of temporary technology difficulties.
If I Were Coaching You...
You may be wondering, “If the Cycle of Resistance, led by the Ego’s agenda, is inherent in the change process, then how can I overcome the ‘snap back'”?
If I were coaching you, I might ask you questions that helped you access times of big change in the past where you did exactly that; overcame the Resistance Cycle and reached your goal. You might see that you, too, have tools that can help you through the discomfort of change and stay on course, freeing yourself from the Resistance Cycle’s pull.
But I want to do more than that. I want to help you see exactly what is happening in the Resistance Cycle.
Remember, the Ego’s primary objective is to keep you safe physically and maintain your sense of who you are (or who you like to think you are).
However, the Ego interprets the way to achieve this, keeping you safe, is by keeping you the same. So even if that level of sameness is not what you want or not good for you (think bad relationships or unhealthy addictions), that’s what it does.
The Ego works tirelessly to maintain that “sameness”.
But Change, by definition, is not sameness. We simply can not stay the same and change.
Freedom From The Tension
So how can you break free? Change becomes possible when we tap into the powerful emotion of genuine desire (why we want something). When we heighten our desire for our goal and keep our focus there, the tension of Resistance begins to work in our favor. When the Ego gets our unwavering commitment, it will gradually follow along and allow the tension of the rubber band to relax into the change. Ah… momentum!
I know what you may be thinking; “all well and good, but I need help fast, this feels too intense!”
Not to worry, here’s the simplest, most effective thing I know to help ASAP.
To overcome Resistance, you must speak the Ego’s language. Focus on safety and sameness. Show your Ego that you are on its side by taking care of your body’s needs.
Focus on The Body's Needs
Place extra attention on nourishing food, clean water, and getting sufficient rest and sleep. Listen to your body’s desire to move and stretch. Renegotiate with those closest in your life to provide encouragement, support, and connection as you change. If you do not have someone like this, find someone capable and willing to do so; it could be a professional.
Treat the challenges in your life neutrally. Give them only the energy required to take actions for solutions without dwelling on negativity or setbacks. You may need to use some finesse to “weed” without digging up your new changes.
I assure you, that by understanding the Resistance Cycle and approaching it intentionally, you can break free from its grip. You can course correct at any point in the cycle back toward the end result you desire.
Next Steps
In subsequent posts, I will delve deeper into specific strategies and details to overcome resistance and ensure lasting change.
Change is possible. Demystifying the Resistance Cycle™ gives you your power back to change in the ways you most passionately want no matter how strong the Ego Resistance may feel.
I have made it my life’s work to help individuals achieve their bigger goals by overcoming common derailments.
Sign up for my newsletter, The Bridge, so I can help you too, get from where you are to where you want to be; enjoying not just the destination but the journey as well.