For Some, Mother’s Day is Anything But Happy
I’ve seen a lot of Mother’s Day appreciation messages, which is delightful to see. But in contrast, I’ve been hearing sadness, frustration and uncertainty from clients in regard to their own feelings as a mother, a daughter, a son, or a husband in anticipation of a holiday that is by all rights, a set-up for misunderstanding, unfulfilled expectations, and the ghosts of unhappy childhoods past.
Mother’s Day’s dirty little secret is that it is seldom truly Happy Mother’s Day. Instead, it can be a wrestling match between what we don’t want to do, what we think we should do, and the discomfort we feel when our own “inner child” revolts against putting that smile on his or her face and honoring a parent who hasn’t honored our true needs.
How do you decide what to give, where to go, how to celebrate Mother’s Day? Do any of you agonize over what expression to choose, a card, flowers, breakfast, a gift? And how about those of you who had harsh or uncaring childhoods, do you fight an internal batte as whether you honor your mother and feel out of integrity or act the way you feel and suffer the judgement of your parents, siblings, friends, church or society?
We Need a Good Mother, It Just May Not Be The One We Were Born To
Before making any decisions about the actions or tokens of Mother’s Day, I suggest getting present to the deep need we have for the attributes of Mother that we truly do need, if we are to become mature and masterful people.
We need support. We need love, guidance, nurturing, confidence, encouragement, comfort. As human beings, we need these qualities. I do, you do. Without them, we can’t provide them to our own children, partners, friends.
But the current situation may be that the parents of our family or birth may simply not be capable of providing us with these things. We can rail against what is, or we can detach and look to discovering how we can get our need for mothering met.
Discovering Our Inner Mother
The qualities of Mother, the nurturing, comforting, loving is not limited by any one person. Those qualities are available to us at any time. And through dedicated self-work, they can be expressed as our Inner Mother, caring and healing our Inner Child meeting our needs for love, acceptance, encouragement.
When we discover ways to get our own needs met, then making decisions about cards, breakfast, travel, or gifts becomes simple, clean, appropriate to the situation and aligned with what our soul wants; peace.
No, It’s Not Quite That Neat and Tidy, But It’s a Start
Making peace with Mother’s Day is an ongoing process but you can start this year by first being as caring to yourself as possible, then making any decisions that need to be made.
When you take time to get in touch with what your own inner child does need, still needs, and look to Inspiration to find ways to meet those needs, Mother’s Day can become a day of peace and even joy.
Please know, you are not alone, reach out if you need support with feelings that don’t match your expectations.