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Remember This When You Fear You’re Doing It Wrong

“I must be an epic fail! Clearly I’m doing this all f-ing wrong because look at the reality that I have going. I must be a terrible person because look at the messed-up life that I seem to have created for myself”!

That’s the rant I shared with my mentor in the throes of massive disappointment in my life years ago. Either the Law of Attraction didn’t work or I was just a failure at it; those seemed my only choices.

This was years ago when the names Esther, Jerry and Abraham were new to bookshelves. I can remember the helplessness I felt after trying so hard to make my thoughts become things, my choices change my reality, or to become the master of my experience.

I struggled; if the world I saw around me was a mirror of my thoughts and actions, then what was I doing wrong! I turned my misunderstanding inward to (incorrectly) conclude that I must be flawed.

Imagine my surprise when my mentor casually commented, “well…remember, there’s a gap”.


The conversation moved on, focusing on expectations and choices. But later I found myself returning to his comment, “there’s a gap”. The concept of “a gap” in manifesting my goals became an idea I couldn’t let go of.

Is There Really an Instant Manifestation or Am I Doing Something Wrong?

I started to grasp the the nuance that our thoughts don’t create reality instantly; it’s a process that unfolds over time. Planting an apple seed doesn’t result in an instant apple tree; we have to nurture it, allow it to grow, and be patient. There’s a time gap between seed and fruit.

This gap between thought and manifestation is often overlooked or misunderstood. Magical Thinking says a thought is like a wand making all our desires materialize in a flash. But nature doesn’t work that way…

And neither does manifestation, mainly because what we experience is a delicate balance of our inner and outer worlds. Thoughts, feelings, and actions all intersect to nurture the growth of what we want. Old patterns, unhelpful beliefs, assumptions and fears can choke out new growth like weeds. I’ve never (yet) met a person who can hold a pure thought (for 17 seconds or otherwise). Instead we’re a bundle of all kinds of rainbows and monsters. Good thing there is a “gap” and our thoughts don’t instantly become reality. Think on that for a moment…

It’s important to explore our expectations and relationship with our own desires. When you acknowledge “the gap” you can release blame when your growth doesn’t (yet) meet your desires. You can be patient and even appreciative of the process as your dreams unfold in an even better way; fewer monsters and more rainbows.

Embracing the Gap Can Be Liberating

The Resistance Cycle™, remember, is the cyclic force that wakes when we are changing. It’s the force,k via the ego-inner-critic that makes every effort to return you to where you began, to avoid what it thinks is the danger of change.

Our ignorance of “the gap” is another way the Resistance Cycle™ uses to derail us, send us back to that old “status quo”. The Ego-Critic-Voice makes us wrong. “Silly you”, it says. “You don’t have what you want. In fact you have what you don’t want. You have no power, this doesn’t work, you can’t do it right, better give up and go home.” “If you can’t make it happen in the exact way you said, thought and wanted, then it must be you, wrong, again”.

No wonder we can feel so bad and want to just give up!

…Please don’t. Your dream wants you as much as you want it.

And you know more now. You understand that there’s nothing wrong; not really. You’re just changing and the change is taking its natural course, even if you are eagerly awaiting the change

A Practice For Working With the Gap In Your Own Life

So, how can we harness the power in the awareness of “the gap”? Here’s a simple exercise to get you started:

1. Can you identify an area in your life you’re making strides to change? Do you sometimes feel things aren’t moving fast enough or the way you want? Does your self-talk become critical? Are you tempted to think “what’s wrong” or “what’s wrong with me?

2. Pause, take a physical step back as well as a symbolic one to look with fresh eyes. Take a nourishing breath, close your eyes and acknowledge “the gap”. Think of a tiny seed germinating, sprouting, growing strong. Recognize that there’s a gap between the planting of the seed, the process of growth, the blooming, the flowering and finally; the fruit emerging.

3. Ask yourself: What if there’s nothing actually wrong? What if what I want is still in the growth and becoming phase? What is really happening that I wasn’t seeing?

4. Hold the thought: What if I’m right in the middle of my creation of something new, something amazing? What if I’m in “the gap”, and what’s happening is all part of the process?

5. What changes for you? What do you notice now? How do you feel about your creation now?

Feels Good!

Seeing “the gap” for what it is, part of the growth and creative process, we break free from the pressure of instant results.

The gap is not an obstacle, and it doesn’t mean something or someone is wrong. The “gap” offers the “wiggle room” to learn, grow, and make adjustments to your experience.

The next time you find yourself tempted to doubt or berate, take a cleansing breath and remember the truth of “the gap”. Your thoughts, actions and desires are part of a larger process, one that unfolds over time. That spaciousness is a gift and you can use it to elevate your experiences.

You’re doin’ it!

Tell Me More...

I love hearing about your experiences. How did an awareness of “the gap” help you stay the course and reach a goal or dream? Share in the comments below.

Comment below or email me at to share.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

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