Do You Have a Problem with Giving or Receiving?
If you do, you are not alone.
Maybe you’ve heard “it’s better to give than receive”. Or perhaps you’ve heard “you have to give to yourself first”.
These broad ideas may not be serving you. And they may be messing up your manifestations, as well!
Giving Is Good
Have you ever noticed that helping and giving to someone feels good?
Especially this time of year; when a gift brings delight to someone we care about, we feel delight too!
But maybe you’ve also noticed that “giving too much” doesn’t feel good at all?
When you give and another person doesn’t appreciate your gift, perhaps you feel angry? Resentful? And when you keep giving, beyond earlier commitments, or beyond your limits, you can begin to tip toward overwhelm.
All Giving Is Not The Same
The act of giving, alone, is not what produces either the “feel good” or the “doesn’t feel good”.
It’s the energy or intention behind the act of giving.
When I give with any kind of expectation I’m not really giving. And the more unconscious I might be about the expectation, the less likely I am to feel good about the giving.
Give and Give But Never Receive
Years ago, I had a friend who was active on a variety of foundations, boards, and even started his own non-profit. He was always giving to people. He was well connected and always busy.
But several years after I met him, he became ill; exhausted from all the “good” work he had been doing. And he admitted to me, secretly, that he felt angry and resentful, that no one seemed to even notice he was gone. No one came to visit him. No one came to give back to him.
Very, (very) gently, I asked him about at least 3 instances I knew of, people had reached out to assist him. He hadn’t even remembered these.
And he had turned each offer down!
Refusing to Receive
I’ll bet you know someone like this, someone who can only give, but refuses to take any help, money, even a gift from you? Maybe you are this person in your circle. I know I was for many years; and strangely proud of it!
But it didn’t serve me.
One weekend, away at a retreat, I participated in a Giving and Receiving exercise. And something unfolded in my head, my heart and body.
I saw, felt, realized that Giving and Receiving are two sides of the same golden coin. When I withhold my giving to another, I am withholding the joy of giving. When I push away another’s giving to me, my receiving, I am denying them the joy of giving.
And I am pushing away the greater good that could be flowing to me!
Without both sides, Giving and Receiving, no one experiences the joy of giving, and one pushes their greater good away from themselves.
Give Freely, Receive Freely, Try This:
The next time you have an opportunity to give to someone, take a beat and ask yourself, “can I give my time/effort/money” freely, without any expectation?
If you answer, “no”, you might want to reevaluate before saying yes. Take a look at the situation. Because if you have an expectation, especially if it is an unspoken expectation, chances are extremely slim that your act of giving will lead to any good feeling; for you or the other person.
The next time you are offered (a gift, a compliment, an opportunity), ask yourself, “can I receive this without feeling obligated to this person?
If you can’t accept the gift without feeling like you have to “pay it back”, then you may be cutting yourself off from more goodness flowing your way. And you may be denying that person of the joy of giving to you!
The Perfect Time to Practice!
The holidays are the perfect time to practice your awareness and your choices around giving and receiving.
Notice what comes up in your life to help you with this practice. Please share and comment below.
And if you are experiencing difficulty receiving, please think about joining me in January for my Manifesting Elite Year Long Support Program. A large emphasis will be on exploring process to enhance our allowing and accepting as a way to speed our manifestations. Contact me here.
A Happy Holiday Season!
Deborah