“Your fear of change is your fear of losing control.
And your fear of losing control is your fear of losing your reality”
Christy Marie Sheldon
Have you ever set about a change, been really fired up about it, only to get undermined by something unexpected that made you feel like the world was conspiring against you?
Did you start to feel more uncertainty, more doubts about what you wanted?
For most people, and this was certainly true for me, this is thought to be a signal that something is wrong. We think we should slow down or even stop trying to achieve the change we wanted.
For years I started, stopped; then started over again, and stopped again. And each time, I asked myself “what is wrong with me”?
There’s Nothing Wrong
What was actually happening is that the very change I wanted was starting to manifest. I was on the path. But I was misinterpreting the signs of the change. I thought something was wrong, but what I was experiencing; the doubts, fears, mishaps were actually part of changing from one thing into another and the very evidence that I was in the process of getting to where I wanted to go!
The Trap Is Sprung
When we choose something new, we trigger a powerful event. Until we’re serious, nothing changes, but once we commit to the change, unseen powers are set in motion to both help and hinder us.
When we are on the path any major change, and especially when that change is beginning to take hold, we are in essence, changing the very fibers of our reality and our world. Of course that is frightening! And that fear springs an inner mechanism.
Call it the Drunk Monkey or the Inner Critic, its job is the same; to keep us from changing, no matter the cost. This mechanism registers “change” as dangerous and it’s number one job is to keep the status quo, to keep us “safe”, to keep us the “same”, by any means necessary. It will actually arrange upsets and accidents, health crisis and misunderstandings to distract us from moving forward toward what we want.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway?
So what’s the answer? Is our only option to tough it out somehow?
Well no, I haven’t found that actually works.
I know it’s what’s often advocated. But to date, and I’ve worked with thousands of people, I haven’t seen it work; not even once.
No, what I find the only answer is some version of finding or creating support for ourselves so that when we’re feeling uncertain and frightened we have someone to “watch our back” as we stretch into new territory.
Change requires learning, and learning opens up to the possibilities of making mistakes. Having a friendly face who has been where we want to go or can hold the confidence that we are capable of achieving what we want is a necessary component to success.
Next Steps; 1, 2, 3
Job number 1 is creating the support and/or safety that will allow us to continue moving forward toward what we want to achieve.
Step number 2 is practicing changing more often. As we become more aware and familiar with the sense of discomfort that arises in the change process, and we know how to differentiate it from actual factual danger, change becomes easier and even more enjoyable; like a carnival ride.
Step number 3 is to anchor the changes. When we celebrate with the clinking of glasses, a high five, a hug, a touchdown dance we are acknowledging our progress and success. Expressing celebration and gratitude for both the journey and the destination, especially when we share that with others, anchors the positive shifts and lessons, making it easier and faster to change in the future.
Don’t Underestimate Step Number 3
Forgetting our past success, wins, achievements, progress, is the number one biggest mistake I see people make, especially in those who have take the time, money and energy to get coaching.
Beware the clever tricks of that Drunk Monkey – Inner Critic who wants to keep control of the wheel. It whispers that you haven’t done enough or that it was something outside you, maybe that would have happened anyway. It will even cause you to forget the past challenges you’ve overcome and claim you’re incapable.
Don’t be fooled! Remind yourself of your steps taken and progress made. Gather friends who will help you reflect upon your accomplishments.
Find Your Supportive People
This week in my Manifesting Elite Support Program we will be exploring taking change to the next level; How to Create the Big Changes you Want. Riddle me this; what’s small but creates big, big changes? If you want to know more, you can go here to find out more.
If you have your sights set on some significant change, I encourage you to take some time and effort to put the supportive resources in place to help you hold true to the journey. Need some help figuring out what that might look like? Schedule a call. I’m happy to speak with you for 20 minutes to identify what you have and what you need next for the change you have in mind.
0 thoughts on “These 3 Things May Be Preventing The Changes You Want”
Thank you for this Deborah. These are much needed words for a new entrepreneur or any person who is growing in personal development. It is a validation that picking up, brushing off and refocusing your passion wins the prize.
Oh yes, Kimberly. That is my hope, that this encourages others to do exactly what you said, to reignite hope with some clarity about ways we can support ourselves and help others too!